666 Baader-Meinhof Bl.
Pacoima, CA
(818) 976-SKUD

Reservations Accepted, Reservations Recommended, Jacket/Tie Required, Delivery, Take Out, Catering, Late Late (after 12:30am), Dancing, Entertainment, Live Music, Outdoor/Patio Dining, All You Can Eat, Buffet, Full Bar, Beer & Wine, Bring Your Own Beer, Bring Your Own Wine, Cigarette Friendly, Cigar Friendly, Cigar Lounge, Cigar Humidor, Cigar Events, Private Rooms

Atmosphere: Trendy, Offbeat, Romantic, Very Casual, Lively, Quiet

Recommendations: Singles, Couples/Dates, Business Dining, Teens/Youth, Families/Children, Seniors, Gay/Lesbian, Large Parties, Quick Eat, View, Conversation, People Watching, Power Scene, Special Occasion, Brunch, Breakfast, Dessert/Ice Cream, Teas

Silverlake Diner's Club
REVIEWED: Mar-2-2000
FOOD: BELOW AVERAGE
AMBIANCE: EXCEPTIONAL
SERVICE: BELOW AVERAGE

Did you ever have the feeling that you were being watched? Well you will ! There are surveillance cameras on every nook and cranny of Shecky's so you can forget about setting up your meth lab there. If you ever have dreams of lazily strolling down a steep cobblestone street past dogs eating a pigeon in the failing Adriatic light of the midieval Yugoslavian hill town where you are carefully making your way down to the crumbling tavern propping the sea wall by the boat-ramp where Takis and the porters sleep, where you only go to wash your innards and only with Retsina and only in the company of your tawny obstinate Ismiri she-demon maid/lover, where you don't have to talk to any idiots or shoot any assholes, then you will love Shecky's. Shecky loves freaks. Shecky is a freak. You will be a freak. You will freak at how radical this food is. It is fudamentally revolutionary. Every table feels like a corner table. Every table is like a secret top bunk. You can have sex in these boo! ths and such. There are mirrors in front of every seat. The walls are an amorphous lavender fading imperceptibly to lime with pendulous ectoplasms interfering with your progress. The waitresses are all physically handicapped, but they are CUTE ! Oh my god, they were SUPER-FOXY and that's no lie. You can't really move once you're settled in and it is not recommended to try, as you could fall victim to the Burmese pythons and hungry badgers which forage in the more sinister corners of Shecky's. Shecky wants everyone to be happy. Shecky loves all creation. Shecky takes shit from NO life-form. We went back to talk to the cook who is down with Barry White and used to smuggle gems, gold and ivory across Africa to finance highly deniable intelligence activities for several Levantine governments. We told him about the finger we identified in the eggplant and embarrassedly noticed the fresh, blood-soaked bandage on his left hand just as the words were rolling past our lips. He gave us ! a chunk of hash to make up for it but it was shitty blonde hash so we stole a pack of chef's hats from the lockers. The food is not believable. It is all prepared from animals acquired at the local animal shelters which, though healthy, were slated for anaesthesia. Shecky, extreme ecologist of the food-service sector, realized that civilization would operate more efficiently if the stored exosomatic energy expressed in these erstwhile pets was not wasted in heating the atmosphere, but rather utilized to feed hungry human outcasts. The results speak for themselves. Petey had "bad egg" (which is a menu item) with a rare grubsteak and ate it while being pushed around the maypole by wheelchaired waitresses in states of semi-nudity. Deth liked the "Hell Warmed-over Stew"with frog tendon. Pounder Wolfington woofed-down the Kolossal Korn Dog which, and I'm not kidding, is19 inches long and 8 inches in diameter! Pounder is also handicapped. Pixiehad the Untunable Tuna Fish and Miss BoyGirl had Bird's Nest ice cream which she didn't like but she's not really a freak, just a conventional "lifestyle" tranny. If you are normal you better stay the hell out of Shecky's so you don't pollute the pure anarchic drug-soaked ambience of this fine establishment. Shecky's will gentrify when you pry the deed from Shecky's cold dead fingers and suck the last poop out of his derrier. And remember, when the sun goes down, the drugs come out and the wierdos go crazy with girls and boys gettin' it on to backward-masked hard core accoustic death folk. The after-party at Cracky Spice's neurotically super-clean apartment was ultimately tedious and forgettable.

Roll call: Deth, Pixie, Melvin, Miss BoyGirl, AAlvin, Bourgie, Shemp, Marvin Minsky, AlphaMale, Pothead, Toker, Johhny Vega, Pounder Wolfington, Lipsie Lahooyah, Billy Wildest, Bryan Ryan, Chupie, Guy with the chain mail nun's habit.

Words that rhyme with JAIL: snail, frail, entail, pail, stale, sorry I gotta bail.

RECOMMENDED DISHES: Fried skud with pureed head cheese and tripe, plum pudding salad, curried beak and turtle.