2501 Wilshire Blvd.
Los Angeles
(213) 380-5055
June 2000

Yukistar became a star tonight: just her and Jose and the pink lights singing "Besame Mucho" to the ample clapping crowds. Her make-shift mantilla (i.e. mint green table napkin) and flirtatious manner transported us back to the Sor Juana Inez de la Cruz Dynasty, when Japanese women were famous for flamenco dancing at the Great Quetzalcoat Weeping Fountain, in Mexico City.

Unfortunately, the prices made Gruvlicius feel uneasy and clammy and her migraine escalated to the point of no return. The last we saw of her was her glittery sombrero fading into the night as she sauntered out with her lengthy Amazonian legs. Bitch!

The food was decent but unremarkable, except for the quesadillas with unbelievable guacamole which Ivan inhaled with relish. Basically, the bill was all about paying the mariachis their fee so they can feed their kids. And they deserved it. It must also be mentioned that the mariachis played the orange Blossom Special--the classic virtuoso blue-grass piece. "That guy was a goood violinist...I loved the way he licked his fingers!" Gringa reminisces.They kicked some mariachian blue grassian ass with their super-macho costumes and their Superman-black cheveux.

The lighting of the restaurant was so dim that everyone looked especially Spanish, except that hot latino dynamo Elton Christ. He looked like an Eskimo. Although Yukistar did pull out her gadget, an LED light, to read the menu, I don1t think that anyone really cared much to see what the damn thing said anyway.

Once there, we realized nobody brought.... Ear plugs (except Elton whose ears are clogged with wax). Personal headset walkie-talkies so you can ask your neighbor to pass the chips. Super absorbent Bounty to absorb the grease from the chips. Enough Money.

Top ten things to do with super spicy salsa. 1. Carry instead of pepper spray to blind attackers at night. 2. Chinese eyeball torture. 3. Aromatherapy bath for poor circulation 4. Rub it all over your tits. (ummm.... tits) 5. Rub it all over the inside of George W. Bush's eyelids. 6. Pour it on your roommate's front car seat, then break the key off in the lock. (who's having roommate problems?) 7. Erotic lubricant for your masochistic friends 8. Pour it down the laundry chute. (just for the fuck of it) 9. Fill a strawberry jam jar with it and put it back in the fridge. 10. Fill balloons up with it and chuck 'em at Eskimos. 11. Makes a great dandruff shampoo!

Top ten things that the Mariachi (Trompetas de Mexico) were REALLY thinking..... 1. Check out those cahoongas 2. I really gotta scratch my taint. 3. I think my uniform is on backwards...... 4. Why do I have to carry the big guitar? 5. Hey, how about some hillbilly for the gringos. 6. A nice fried breast in mole with cerveza (beer you idiots) would sure hit the spot. 7. I hope they all die the way my family did in El Salvador. 8. Too bad we can't disappear some of these smug, rich haciendados. 9. I like this guy's girlfriend. 10. We could play this easy shit all night and these losers wouldn't know the diff. 11. If only we were on the internee, we'd be REEAALLY BIG! 12. No Grapes!

Trixeee, Gruvlicius, Bazmataz, Mary Ford, Sophia Ford, Shifty del Vicente, Hedy, Adam Wolf, Tiger, Daniel "I am not El Ron Hitler" Kozmo, Winchel Mahoney, Heyjuan?, Filmo!***, Dan Noah, Elton Kriste, Down Dirty, Stephanie, Pia Smith, tommy2tongue, Jeff Cain, Gringa, Prickle, Kari Kaos, Yukistar, Buc y Bono, JillyWilly, CHrislOve, Avivah, Kate b., Patrick O'C, Sal the Val, Ivan Johnson, Steve The Mad Hatter Harris, after party appearances made by: Cthulhu, Wrong Dimension Boy, Jennifer Joos

Balloons decorated our after-experience chez Bazmataz grace aux breaths of the blessed.

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