DECEMBER 23, 2005
This is the final update of the year, as Jesse and I are on our way to Florida for the holidays and New Year's Eve.
Have a happy and safe holiday season.
DECEMBER 9, 2005
Yeesh. Another year almost gone.
Adventures in TV: Someone sent me a Cthulhu car commercial. I thought the Boondocks episode with Samuel L. Jackson was brilliant, and the Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry David going to Heaven was the best episode in that series so far.
Ya know, there's not many comic books that would make me do something very gay to get them, but this would be the book to do it. I think I would take one for the team if someone shelled out the $30 grand and bought it for me. OK, just kidding.
Finally, Wanna see Bauhaus live tonight for two dollars? Click here.
DECEMBER 2, 2005
Other stuff: I went to the MOCA Exhibit "Masters Of American Comic Book Art" and it was broofalicious. They had original Jack Kirby pages from X-Men, The Fantastic Four, Silver Surfer and New Gods, Harvey Kurtzman's original art for Mad and Weird Science, and Robert Crumb's entire "Meatball" strip from Zap! #0. And that's not even going into the Will Eisner, Gary Panter, and Art Speigelman sections. Well worth a trip downtown.
Speaking of "trips downtown", after the comic book art show, I went to the MOCA Temporary Contemporary for their "Ecstasy: In And About Altered States" drug inspired exhibit. I loved the fountain of water laced with pure LSD you see when you first come in, as well as the big mushroom room. Some of the paintings and collages were inspiring as well. Jeez, if I was still in college I'd so go there frying my brains out.
From acid fountains to the dirty sanchez and folks in Iowa waiting for the bling, this has been a week of strange reflection. I got mad at UCLA Extension because earlier this year I put together a huge proposal for them to let me teach some classes. I had a syllabus for 5 different courses, two of which were Comic book history and having the class make a comic book with every student contributing a 2 page story. They passed on my ideas, saying I didn't have enough teaching experience. I guess they still decided to do them without me though. FUCKERS.
NOVEMBER 21, 2005
Long post today.
If anyone wants to see Jesse's play JIMMY CHRIST, there's only 3 more shows. You can now get tickets for December 3rd, 4th and 5th online by clicking here.
Got in a minor auto accident after seeing the Harry Potter midnight show last Thursday night. That might have been the "curse" one of the geeks dressed like a Death Eater put on me as he walked up the aisle of The Chinese Theatre. He had "Hugs" written on one side of a card, and if people at the end of the aisle refused to hug him, he would flip it over and it would say "Curses". I wasn't feeling very much like hugging a dork, so I just told him to curse me and this is what happens. Boo!
It was Jesse's first time inside one of the most famous Hollywood landmarks. Of course, being the dork I am, I had been to numerous premieres there (Pretty In Pink in 1986 being one of them... God I'm old) as well as boisterous opening nights (Star Wars Attack Of The Clones, The Matrix Reloaded, Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets, etc.) The movie was really good. Here's my short review: THE POSITIVE: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint are really growing into fine actors, and Ralph Finnes played a very menacing Voldermort. THE NEGATIVE: The movie was too short at 2 hours and 30 minutes. Seriously. Adding another half hour would have allowed for an appearance by the giant squid, more scenes in the Weasley household, and maybe a bit more of the World Quidditch Cup. As it was, the film seemed like it was on speed. It had to be to fit over 700 pages into such a short time frame.
MEANWHILE: If anyone missed South Park last week... Find it somewhere online and download it.
Wow. Not only did they put the actual secret doctrines of Scientology on TV, they did it with the words THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE on the screen. Not only did they completely fuck with Tom Cruise and John Travolta being in the closet, they also threw R. Kelly's 12-part "Trapped In The Closet" into the mix....(See part one here, then check out part two here)... They all but dared Scientology to sue them at the end, and may have brought the wrath of Xenu upon themselves.
Speaking of Mighty Balls... I promised my buddy Mike Z, who celebrated his birthday on Friday, that I'd see WALK THE LINE with him, but Jesse and I went to see it Saturday night after her show, since that was the only time she could see it. Sorry Mike. I'll see it again with you. Phoenix and Witherspoon both deserve Oscars, and I bet there's gonna be a lot more Johnny Cash (AND June Carter) karaoke happening all over the world right now.
NOVEMBER 16, 2005
Want some great Mash Ups? Get Your Bootleg On. How about the best fucking custom karaoke CD-G and/or DVD web site on the entire internet: EM Karaoke's Custom Burn! I just got 2 discs from them for Ground Control, and they rock the llama's ass!
The Onion is the Mad Magazine of our time. With that being said, can anyone guess where I'll be at midnight this Thursday? Here's another hint.
Comic books meet classic paintings by way of Photoshop: Have a look at Super Hero ModRen.
If anyone wants to get me something nice this Christmas, this will do.
NOVEMBER 9, 2005
Very glad the California election didn't go Arnold's way. Hey, Governator... Do you know what's best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.
Took Jesse to see The Rolling Stones last night at The Hollywood Bowl and loved their acoustic version of "As Tears Go By". They also did "Paint It Black" and "Sympathy For The Devil". A great show, even from the nosebleeds. Managed to park on Hollywood Blvd. for $10, which was a bit of a walk but totally worth it since all the lots on Highland were $30 and up. Saw Jack Nicholson in the audience, along with a bunch of old people who were complaining about the smell of pot. The folks behind me were SHOCKED that people were lighting joints around them in the upper levels of the Bowl... I mean, COME ON! It's a Stones concert fer crying out loud! Bet they tell all their buddies at the next bingo night that there was billowing clouds of marijuana smoke so thick that you couldn't see an inch in front of your face, let alone see the band on stage. Just a slight exaggeration there. We were sitting in section U2, so people would come up to me and Jesse and ask "Are you in U2?" and I would reply "Yes. I'm The Edge and this is Bono." Hilarity ensued. No one in our section stood up until "Sympathy", and then everyone did. Thought that was a nice tribute to Satan.
NOVEMBER 7, 2005
Here's a pic from Halloween! Next year I'll dress like something different. I promise.
Back from sunny Florida. Even got to a goth club in West Palm Beach called Reverb at Respectable Street. Hurricane Wilma fucked some shit up, but the wedding was still great.
Meanwhile, my cousin Aubrey and Kim had a baby named Elias Irving Hallis, so there's another Hallis out there and that's just awesome!
I ordered one of those talking Rodney Dangerfield and Louis Armstrong dolls on eBay and as soon as they arrive in the mail I'm gonna set them up with the James Brown and Dean Martin ones we already have and drop some acid.
Finally, if anyone ends up spending $7500 on this, someone should kick their ass.
NOVEMBER 1, 2005
Off to Florida for Jesse's friend Jennifer's wedding to a great guy named Mozart. I'll be back in Los Angeles on the 5th.
Just a little reminder: Nightmare Before Christmas is back at the Disneyland Haunted Mansion.
OCTOBER 28, 2005
My computer has been down for a week and finally operational again thanks to my buddy Chaz. The scanner still doesn't work though, which sucks.
Anyone have a spare 11 grand they can send my way? I promise it's for a worthy cause!
OCTOBER 17, 2005
Movies coming out soon that I'll see in the theater: Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire, Walk The Line, and King Kong. I think that's about it but I may be forgetting something. Is it just me or shouldn't there be more good stuff by the holidays than that?
Geek request: Do any comic book fans out there have cover scans to any of the 3 issues of the Marvel Magazine "Gothic Tales of Love"? Please send them my way.
More stuff soon.
OCTOBER 10, 2005
PROMOS FOR MY FRIENDS: Erich and Rebecca have a great Bat Show planned for this year... and it's gonna be this Friday!
Latest mash up: Nick Cave meets Sarah Vaughan singing The Beatles over instrumental Beastie Boys: Click here! Nice work Artyfufkin!
OCTOBER 3, 2005
Want to see what a $1300 tiki mug looks like?
Mark Miller told me about the Pretty Thingsss website and it's really funny. It features two minute videos from Amanda Barrett (from the band The Ditty Bops) and her friend Michael Lucid. My favorites are "Straight For A Minute" and "Always A Bad Girl".
New Vice Magazine "Dos" and "Don'ts" for the month are online.
Tom Waits song "Goin' Out West" is now available on karaoke! (Sunfly Most Wanted 867).
Jesse's play was pretty good and I encourage folks to check it out. Click here for more info.
SEPTEMBER 26, 2005
Wow. What a week last week. Dead Can Dance playing an amazing show at The Hollywood Bowl, and Gorey Stories at Sacred Fools Theater kicking so much ass. These are the reasons it's good to live in Los Angeles.
Erich is putting on another Bat Show and it looks like it's gonna be fun.
Ah, shit. Looks like I'm gonna have to buy another Dr. Strange statue. (Thanks Neilalien.)
Jesse's play Jimmy Christ starts this Friday and Ground Control is tonight. So much to do...
SEPTEMBER 18, 2005
Jesse and I know what we're gonna be for Hallween. This is the first year we got costumes online together (aww!), and found it to be much cheaper than the local Halloween Stores around town. If anyone's looking you might want to check here, here, or here.
The Corpse Bride 3-Word-Review: TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME. (The 3-Word Review is © 2005 Wrong Dimension Enterprises).
SEPTEMBER 13, 2005
I'm completely sold out of the original print of The Picture of Everything, so I'm offering a second edition that also features the first 6 interior images. CLICK HERE to pre-order one!
My good friends Mike and Megan had a baby named Shannon Huxley! Isn't she cute?!
SEPTEMBER 11, 2005
SEPTEMBER 10, 2005
SEPTEMBER 4, 2005
It's amazing to me that the last time I updated this page, New Orleans was still there. It saddens me that a tragedy like this could devastate such a wonderful city. The right wing blame the gays and the left wing blame Bush, and all I keep thinking about is that Tom Waits song "I Wish I Was In New Orleans" and how I would much rather be in Black Rock, Nevada right now.
I'm glad Jesse and I got to see Bourbon Street last year before the chaos began. If you have enough money right now to donate something to the relief effort, please do so... although most folks I know need all the money they can save just for fucking gas.
Did a performance with Art of Bleeding last Friday at The Smell and picked up Nora Keyes new CD while I was there. It has this amazing psychotic song "Small Apart" that is creepy, funny and wonderful. Also really like the new Warlocks CD "Surgery".
Monday the Silverlake posse from the band Viva K will be having a record release at The Standard Downtown and David J will be at Spaceland. Guess I won't make it to Ground Control because of that, but it's going on that night as well.
Anyone who wants to see some of the most horrible and violent comic book covers ever published should check this out (big download). It's a thread on the CGC Message Boards that features horror magazines you rarely get to see anywhere and will be excellent resources for flyers and mini posters for your room!
Anyone else a fan of Edward Gorey? Then you gotta see Gorey Stories. It's a play of his works that's opening September 22nd at the Sacred Fools Theater on Heliotrope, south of Melrose. It's right across the street from where Jesse will be playing the Virgin Mary in HER play Jimmy Christ, (check out my flyer for it HERE!) opening September 23rd! Tis a good time to book some tickets for a night of CULTCHA.
Finally, I'm a believer in the theory proposed by the workers at Barnes and Noble at The Westside Pavillion that Harry Potter is a Horcrux.
AUGUST 29, 2005
News about The Burning of The Picture of Everything: It will be somewhere on a beach in Southern CA. on September 11th, 2005. Anyone who wants to come has to donate $5.00. Proceeds will go to The American Red Cross, Tsunami Relief, The Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, and The Dreamhouse Theater. E-mail me for location info to be put on the list. I also need someone who can film it and turn it into a Quicktime so everyone else can see it.
Meanwhile, in other not so self-absorbed news: The Bat's Day Meet and Greet was a lot of fun. I learned about Girls And Corpses Magazine, they played my Haunted Bela mash-up almost 3 times, and it was nice to see tourists get freaked out by goths. We had to miss David J's set, unfortunately, but I heard he was great. My pal Mark Miller was supposed to do a song with him but that sadly didn't work out as well. We did see The Mad Marionettes, which was the first Spanish Gothic Klezmer band I've ever seen.
Couldn't actually go to Bat's Day itself, which was Sunday, because my friend Pete got married to his longtime gal pal Erenie. They had belly dancers perform at the reception, which was something I had never seen before at a wedding. Congratulations to them and thanks for a memorable day.
Also have to congratulate Mike and Megan on the birth of their daughter Shannon Huxley O'Malia!
AUGUST 26, 2005
Why? Because no one gives a shit.
Awww. I need some fucking violins.
AUGUST 24, 2005
I'll be burning the original Picture of Everything to a smoldering ash in the next month or two. More details to follow soon. I'm completely serious and absolutely set on doing so, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me.
AUGUST 17, 2005
I mean, really, who am I to think this piece is worth so much money? Don't get me wrong, people DO spend more than $100,000 on a work of art, but it has to be historically significant for them to do so. I might as well give up and get a real job. Not like I don't have one. I've been at Klasky Csupo going through Duckman and McDonalds cartoon cels for the last 2 weeks and it's beginning to bum me out.
Maybe it's the economy and the fact that no one wants to spend their money on trivial bullshit when gas is $3.00 a gallon and there's neverending war and little hope of anything new that'll stop it from being this way forever.
AUGUST 7, 2005
AUGUST 1, 2005
So far no bids (like I'm surprised). The FHM article that was supposed to come out this month about The Picture of Everything has been delayed. Suckage.
Speaking of funny and worth checking out: I saw Sky High last weekend and liked it a little more than the Fantastic Four movie.
Also, congrats to my old roomate Jarico Reese for getting his Bike Rodeo onto a Coca Cola Commercial!
Finally, Nate Fisher was a selfish prick. To dump Brenda while she's pregnant for that mousy-looking Maggie? Well, he's dead now, so at least Maggie doesn't get to have him.
JULY 28, 2005
It's my birthday again! The Picture of Everything II will begin today with a drawing of Jesse. I'm also selling the original artwork on eBay. Yeah, I know it'll be a small miracle if it sells with a $100 grand opening bid, but remember that's for both the original Picture of Everything AND the new one, which will double its size! That's 4 years of work there folks...
I'm also sending out 600 press releases to galleries all around the United States about the auction. All it takes is one rich person, so hopefully one will like it enough to bring it home!
JULY 18, 2005
Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince was brilliant! J. K. Rowling is the only author in the world that would get me to the bookstore at midnight to wait with the unwashed masses (who weren't at Comic Con) for her latest release. 652 pages in 2 days and it still seemed too short. I won't give any spoilers, but will warn everyone that a major event in the book was ruined for me by an asshole at Something Awful's website. (WARNING! If you don't want the same thing that happened to me to happen to you, don't click and scroll down! There is NO SPOILER WARNING!) For posting this, I hope Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz get a heaping mouthful of the Weasley Brothers YOU-NO-POO constipation powder. All this aside, I can't wait to find out what happens in the 7th and final book!
Speaking of sequels, the second Pirates of The Carribean movie is looking sort of Lovecraftian, by the looks of this very Cthulhuesque Davey Jones poster someone uploaded to Ain't It Cool! Thanks to Darqleo for the heads up, as well as letting me know about this utterly weird site. (Be sure to click and hold your mouse down on the girl)
JULY 13, 2005
Ivan Brunetti is coming out with a sequel to his legendary collection of offensive cartoons "Haw!" in August! It's gonna be called "Hee" and I'm expecting nothing short of brilliance.
Heard some good Mash Ups lately: Jimmi Jammes putting The Beatles Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club Band on top of Guns N Roses' "Paradise City", CCC doing the completely insane mix of Martha Reeves & The Vandellas "Heatwave" over Pink Floyd's "One Of These Days", and The Bug's inspired meshing of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" and Prodigy's "Firestarter".
Just read a fantastic graphic novel by the late great Will Eisner called "The Plot: The Secret History of The Protocols of Zion". It shows exactly how the anti-semetic hoax was perpetuated on the public. Mandatory reading folks!
There is such a thing as a liger. Wacky!
Jesse and I will be attending Bat's Day this August at Disneyland, which is the largest brood of goths you will ever see at The Magic Kingdom. Go... if only to enjoy the startled looks on the tourists' faces as they think the park is being overrun by devil worshipping freaks.
JULY 9, 2005
Saw the Fantastic Four movie yesterday and thought it was all right. Allan actually loved it, which was weird. Most reviews have been kind of harsh. It was a good popcorn movie, as was War of The Worlds.
JULY 6, 2005
The Vegetable Man Project hopes to get 1000 versions of the early Syd Barrett Pink Floyd song. On the same subject, when Gilmore and Waters played "Wish You Were Here" at Live 8 and said "This one's for Syd and all the other people who we wish were here with us today" I started to choke up as I thought about my dad (named Sidney). It'll be 4 years since he passed away on July 14th, 2001.
JUNE 29, 2005
Announcement time: I'm going to begin on The Picture of Everything II on my birthday, July 28th. It will attach to The Picture of Everything and actually just continue the original width wise. I've been saving suggestions and additions since 1999, when the original image was completed, and will add as many as I can. The interior images will also be re-drawn within the new picture. It should take me at least a year to complete, maybe 2. The auction on eBay that will begin in August will be for the original drawings of both the old image and the new one. Think anyone will bite on that $85,000 opening bid now? Well see...
As far as my birthday goes, you can get me this or this if you like. I'd appreciate it!
JUNE 23, 2005
If anyone wants to know what I want for my birthday next month, it's this.
Changing the subject: Anyone curious what a $3.00 cupcake tastes like? They're lining up for them at this place in Beverly Hills.
If you didn't see Jesse's play yet, you can still call 213-241-9387 for reservations on Friday and Saturday night. Room Service is a hoot and everyone should go.
JUNE 18, 2005
Frank Brunner has sent me the rough sketch for my commissioned drawing of Dr. Strange, Clea, Sandman and Death fighting Cthulhu! CHECK IT OUT! That is completely superbroofalicious!
Check out the very first appearance of Catwoman from Batman #1 (Spring 1940) "Quiet or papa spank!"
JUNE 15, 2005
Jesse will be opening her play "Room Service" this Friday and it will be running every weekend through August 14th. It's a really funny ensemble cast in a comedy that was made into a Marx Brothers movie back in the 30's. No Harpo or Groucho stuff with this adaptation, but still lots of wacky fun.
The theater is called The Space Theater and it's located at 665 N. Heliotrope, just South of Melrose, west of Vermont. Friday and Saturday shows are at 8pm and Sunday shows are at 7pm. Please call 213-241-9387 for reservations. It's $15 per ticket. I'll be seeing the show Friday and Sunday, and will be at the theater after it ends on Saturday, so if anyone wants to meet for drinks or a bite afterward, this would be the weekend to do it!
JUNE 12, 2005
Did you know there was a death metal band that dresses like Klingons called Stovokor? Or that Star Trek bands like Warp 11, No Kill I, and S.P.O.C.K. are out there, breathing the same air as you and me and rocking the punk clubs? Trekkies 2 brought all this to light and it fascinates me.
The first Joy Division single "An Ideal For Living" is up on eBay today. You don't see this too often.
JUNE 8, 2005
I made a custom blister card for a custom Doctor Strange action figure I got on eBay. Check it out!
JUNE 2, 2005
Dr. Strange Dork out: Finished the new Strange mini series and JMS will not be pied. I was gonna dress up like Doctor Strange and smush a cream pie in the face of JMS at the next local comic convention, since I was so pissed at him writing a contrived and obvious take on my favorite character, as well as making Gwen Stacy into one of Norman Osbourne's little sluts. His "Strange" series basically tried to re-establish the norm by the end after people realized it was a Matrix Ripoff. It will quietly go away so the real Marvel Universe Doctor Strange could step up again to deal with a very evil and crazy Scarlet Witch in House of M. If the JMS version had indeed planted roots among the Marvel brass and actually became the be-all end-all Sorcerer Supreme, I think I would have pied him. It would have been all whip cream in a plastic tin, so hopefully he wouldn't have charged me with assault. House of M #1 was good, by the way... Still have like a trillion issues left to get through it all, and those variant covers ain't cheap.
Feeling kind of down. Cloudy weather in the summertime here in LA. Things just ain't right.
MAY 31, 2005
So the guy who wrote me all those e-mails about wanting to buy The Picture of Everything wrote me back today and this is what I got in my Inbox (Warning: NSFW AND REALLY REALLY GROSS. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!). Swear to God. I just started laughing. This was so sick and wrong I forgive the bastard for fucking with me. Still, look for an auction announcement for the original TPOE art at the end of July. Maybe this lunacy will inspire someone out there to actually buy it!
Having a garage sale this Sunday, June 5th at Larry (Pusha MC from Kill Whitey) Shoham's house. The address is 3100 Livonia Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90034 (across the street from the Hamilton High baseball field). Clothes, toys, comics and some bad art should be available.
Six Feet Under will be on every Monday this season instead of Sunday. Will that upset the balance of the universe?
MAY 29, 2005
Hey folks. I wanna bitch a little bit about something.
9 days ago I get the following e-mail:
Hello,
I am interested in purchasing the origional drawn picture of "The picture of everything". It was stated in the FAQ's that it is for sale, and dispite the fact you do not have a set buyout price, you would be willing to accept offers.
I would like to offer $85,000.00 USD for it. I can make the payment through paypal, check, money order, whatever you want. Let me know if you accept.
-Jonathan
Wow. Holy shit. That's a really nice offer. That could help pay for Jesse and my honeymoon, as well as help out Nova Express and Ground Control, not to mention significantly boost to my artistic career. It's not a life changing amount of money and most would have to be invested, but it's certainly the best offer I've had for the work that took over 2 years of my life to complete. I wrote Jonathan back:
That’s a real nice offer. Here’s a few things you should know:
I’m beginning another section of The Picture of Everything later this year, probably in July. This is not another “interior” but actually will be included as the top of the image and will be drawn in the same dimensions as the previous 4 pieces. I want $100,000.00 for all 5 original drawings. They will all be shipped framed, and I’ll include shipping in the payment. If you agree to this price, I can ship the first 4 to you as soon as Paypal clears the payment into my account. The fifth and final piece will be yours when it’s completed.
I would also like 10% of any re-sale you may get, as well as let you know that I can always use images of The Picture of Everything digitally or in any other means I like. You, of course, will own the originals. Because of that, I hope you’d be open to future displays of the originals in gallery or museum shows.
Write back and let me know.
-HH
Sounds fair right? Here's the letter I get back...
Thank you for your quick response. I would like to wait and see what this 5th piece of the artwork looks like before I would consider buying it. But as for the rest of the 4 pieces displayed on the website, my offer still stands for $85,000.
-Jonathan
Okey dokey pokey. I can understand that. The fifth piece might suck ass. He just wants the 4 originals. No problem. Still, the offer was good, so I wrote back...
SOLD.
You can send Paypal payment to wrongdimensionboy@yahoo.com
As soon as it clears, I’ll have it shipped. The original drawings are split into 4 pieces and each one is framed, so it’ll be a bit complicated. Where do you live Jonathan?
-Howard
I get a response the same day...
Thank you very much, Howard.
It will take time to transfer the funds from my bank account to my paypal account. Please be patient. When the transfer is complete, I'll send the payment, and very specific shipping instructions. Be sure to package and ship in accord with the way I have requested. Also on a lesser note, I will require that this transaction goes through ebay.I dont know you, and I certainly dont want to trust large sums of money with someone that I dont know. Going through ebay will protect both of us should things go wrong. Thank you for your cooperation in this regard.
-Jonathan
Wow. This looks like it actually might happen. He's totally right. Going through eBay would be safer for both of us. I wrote back:
That’s completely understandable. Let me calculate what the fees would be for eBay on top of the initial price and that will be the total, since I would want $85,000.00 clear. I’ll definitely know by the time your funds are transferred. Also, this has nothing to do with my right to use The Picture of Everything online or in print or anywhere else. This transaction will mean that you just own the original work.
California law also states that artists get 10% of any re-sale, so if you ever make a million bucks on this thing in the future, please let me know!
I’ll also drop you a line when the new piece is completed. How did you hear about the site and the work, by the way?
Call me at (PHONE NUMBER DELETED FOR WEB) if you want to chat. I’m going to dinner tonite with my fiancee, but will be around tomorrow during the day or Sunday.
-Howard
No phone call, but Jonathan sends this to me about a day or so later...
Ok, I'm ready to purchase your artwork. Please create a ebay auction with a buyout, and send me the link.
-Jonathan
ZINGERS! This is looking good! I was expecting the money transfer to take a week or two... Still, the eBay fees are pretty high on an item that sells for $85,000 (about $1400), and his specific shipping method could be hundreds of dollars as well... and then there's also the fact that I still don't know who this person is or where my picture will be going. I write:
Great news Jonathan! If you don’t mind, I’d like to chat with you on the phone before I put up the auction. There are two other things as well:
According to The eBay Fee Calculator at http://www.sellathon.com/ebay_calculator.html , an item with a starting price of $86,307.75 with an approximate final value of $86,307.75 and Buy It Now would have an insertion fee of $4.80 and a final value fee of $1307.74. I have no problem with the insertion fee, but at this price, after the final value fee is deducted, I would get $85,000.01.
Also the shipping. You said you would provide instructions. Just like to know what you had in mind and how much it would be. Since this is an expensive piece, I don’t mind spending up to $250 or so to see that the 4 sections are shipped correctly to your standards, but any more than that perhaps you could help a bit.
The auction can be up by Monday afternoon. I’d love to know where The Picture of Everything is going to be going. Of course, that’s your decision whether to tell me or not, but it would be nice to know!
No response for a day. Meanwhile, FHM Magazine contacts me and says they want to do an article and interview about The Picture of Everything. I decide to let Jonathan know, since I'd probably mention to them that the piece is probably going to be sold and wanted to chat with him on the phone before any eBay auction goes up. I wrote:
Hey Jonathan, FHM Magazine is going to be doing an interview with me about The Picture of Everything tomorrow. I’d like to chat if at all possible before then and figure out where I’m shipping it to and a few more details about the auction before I put it up. Please call me if you can at (PHONE NUMBER DELETED FOR WEB)
Thanks!
Howard
This is what I get back:
I would prefer to have a certain amount of anonymity, I will not call you. This is the deal:
You create the auction on ebay, stating with very much detail exactly what your selling. After the auction is up, I will immediately use the buyout feature. Payment will be delivered in full via paypal. After you verify the transaction has taken place, I will contact you with the address of my warehouse located in Pennsylvania, which is where the item will be shipped to. The buyout will be listed at $85,000.00 USD. You will pay all of ebay fee's, as well as all the shipping/packaging charges. The item will be packaged appropriately, with much detail to preventing the goods therein to suffer breakage. Use a shipping method that provides the option to track the shipment.
These are my terms. If you are in disagreement with anything that I mentioned above, unfortunately I will retract in my decision to purchase your item.
-Jonathan
Uhhh... Hmmm... Well... Maybe this is someone representing a rich guy like Bill Gates or Donald Trump, and they want to make an offer without the billionaire name attached so I settle for less than they can and would be able to pay. Fine. I'm not greedy. $85,000 is a great price. Even if I had to pay $2000 or more in shipping and eBay fees, it's still a lot of money. So I write:
Sounds fair Jonathan. The auction will be up by this afternoon. As soon as the money clears, I will arrange for the 4 sections to be professionally packaged and shipped with insurance and tracking.
Enjoy owning the original drawings of The Picture of Everything!
I can completely understand wanting to protect your anonymity. You may be a very wealthy man or represent one, and you don’t want me saying “Oh, this is so and so! I want $500,000!” or something like that. $85,000 is a great price and I agree to it no matter who this is or where it may be going.
Still, since I plan to do other works related to The Picture of Everything, is there any way to keep in touch in case a museum or gallery wants to have a show in the future? You have to understand this was more than 2 years of my life and I obviously have a tremendous attachment to the work. It’s getting a lot of attention lately as well from magazines and newspapers all around the world, so this is fairly likely. Just hoping is all.
-Howard Hallis
I put the auction up on eBay about an hour later. It was a 5 day auction with a BIN and I did not charge him for shipping. Then I wrote him back:
Never heard back from the guy again, and as you can see by clicking above, he didn't buy it.
So to Mr. Jonathan Fulton I say:
Needless to say, this little discourse has inspired me to put The Picture of Everything up for auction at the same time that the FHM article comes out in August with an opening bid of $85,000. I may not get it, but there's also the chance that I may get more. Stranger things have happened on eBay. I think the potato chip shaped like Abraham Lincoln sold for a few grand, as did other weird stuff like "Time Machines" and sandwiches shaped like The Virgin Mary. Maybe Golden Palace Casino might up the ante to more than $100,000! They like to bid on weird auctions. Watch this space for more info, and please spread the word to any fans out there you know who might have that kind of disposable income to invest in stuff like art.
Finally, I'm kind of glad this guy didn't end up buying it. He seemed like a fucking asshole.
MAY 25, 2005
I hear the Taiwanese Toilet Restaurant serves a nice brown trout. (Thanks to Starbuckler)
MAY 17, 2005
If you only rent one movie this year, be sure it's the UNRATED version of this one.
I joined Live Journal, which is awesome.
My Star Wars Marathon begins tomorrow night at midnight. E-mail me if you want to join me for any of the madness. I'll be posting to my Live Journal between each movie. BROOOF!
MAY 13, 2005
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
Holy shit. It's Friday the 13th and I got this receipt at Subway at lunchtime! Uh oh...
Keep checking this every day just to make sure.
MAY 8, 2005
The Star Sightings keep coming... Jesse and I went out to celebrate 1 year of being together last night. We went to Nobu Malibu for dinner. Now I know why it's so difficult to get a reservation on a Saturday night... When we walked up to the door, right away I noticed Martin Sheen. After shaking his hand and saying "Hello Mr. President." I realized he was with Anthony Hopkins, and the two of them were in the middle of a chat with Stephen Spielberg, who was picking up a large order to go. When we were seated, we noticed Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee in the back room dining with their kids. If this wasn't enough, when they left, they redecorated their table and Courtney Cox and David Arquette sat down.
I was like DAYYUM!
MAY 6, 2005
Quick you fools! Dead Can Dance tickets for the Hollywood Bowl are already on sale!
You don't see one of these every day...
Ah, the joy of meeting really cool celebrities. People who you admire that actually turn out to be really nice, down to earth human beings... Being in Los Angeles you sometimes get the treat of doing just that.
On Wednesday the 4th I went with Mike Zimmerman and Andrew from Ground Control to The Standard Hotel downtown to see David J's weekly DJ set. He had let me know that his Bauhaus band mate Peter Murphy would be stopping by. Needless to say, my two friends and I got to spend about an hour and a half chatting with Mr. Murphy. He talked about living near Istanbul in Turkey, being a Muslim, and a possible Bauhaus tour in September (Hooray!). One story I remember him telling was how he met a guy in Turkey and that they had gotten along so well that the man invited Peter to his house for dinner. He agreed and the man told Peter to meet him at his office. So Peter showed up at the address the man had given and saw nothing there... until he realized the guy was a shoe shiner. His office was his shoe shine kit. Anyway, they drove way off into the poor areas surrounding the city and the man's wife prepared a fantastic feast for them. Just marvelous. About a month later, Peter Murphy saw the man again and he had given Peter a Muslim greeting of farewell that is only used when someone is never going to see you again (It might have been "Inna-Lillahi-Wa Inna Ilaihi Raji'un" but I could be wrong). Peter asked the man if anything was wrong and the shoe shiner insisted all was well. A week later, he heard the shoe shiner had died.
I also asked Mr. Murphy how he was able to sing Bela Lugosi's Dead upside down at Coachella, and he told me he had to rehearse the song that way dozens of times to get his body used to singing in that position. Quite a showman.
Meanwhile, on Cinco De Mayo I went to local video store Laser Blazer in West Los Angeles, where the surviving cast members of The Big Red One: The Reconstruction were doing a signing. I met Pamela Marvin, Lee Marvin's widow, and asked her what Lee's drink of choice was when he would go to bars. She said it was "A double martini straight up." so that has automatically become the coolest drink in the world. Mark Hamill was there as well, and he was really nice too. Since there weren't a ton of Star Wars freaks around, he took time to chat and take pictures. I asked him about working with Lee Marvin and he said that he almost didn't do The Big Red One because he was such a Marvin fan that he was worried that his image of the actor would be blown when they finally met, which is apparently what happened to him when he worked with Bill Cosby. Mark told me that Lee was one of the greatest guys he ever met, would listen to everything you would say with genuine interest, and was always warm and friendly. Nice to know.
The best Lee Marvin story I heard was while I was in line to get my DVD signed by everyone. Apparently, one night while filming Point Blank with director John Boorman, Lee Marvin got so drunk that when Boorman was driving him back to his hotel on Pacific Coast Highway, Lee was hanging over the windshield on the front of the convertible, almost completely falling out of the car. Worried that Lee would be too drunk to get to the set the next day, John Boorman cleared out all the alcohol from Lee Marvin's hotel room and locked him inside. He said "Lee, I'm locking you in the room. You NEED to be sober on the set tomorrow!" Lee nodded in a drunken haze and agreed. The next day when Boorman went to pick him up, he knocked at the hotel door but got no answer. Entering the room, he discovered Lee Marvin passed out and freshly drunk. So how did he get the booze in there? He called room service and had them deliver dozens of straws and had them put underneath his door. He had joined the straws together to make a super-long straw and had put it out his window. He had then somehow managed to convince someone to get him booze that he drank through the straw from the ground floor! Now that's a resourceful guy!
Sometimes you only get to meet celebrities once, so you love it to be memorable. Don't think for a minute that while I was chatting with Mark Hamill about Lee Marvin that I didn't think "Holy Shit... I'm hanging out with Luke Skywalker!" Of course, the guy in front of me in line was all "I hate Star Wars." since it was a bunch of Sam Fuller film geeks. At least there's SOME Jedi Dorks out there who ask folks intelligent questions, like CC Banana did when he talked to George Lucas.
MAY 1, 2005
Coachella was amazing on Saturday. Peter Murphy sang Bela Lugosi's Dead hanging upside down from the rafters. Best... Bauhaus... Show... Ever! Weezer sang "We Are All On Drugs". Cyclecide brought out their flying swing ride run by bicycles called The Cyclofuge. Got to see Wilco and some of Coldplay and Chemical Brothers as well. A nice afternoon of fun, as was Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, which I saw with my mom and was much better than I expected it to be. Quite a faithful adaptation actually. Stay till the end of the credits if you go.
Here's a list of some of the clever (and not so clever) "slogan" t-shirts I saw around Coachella this year: "Bono For Pope", "Never Think Twice", "More Cowbell" (saw two of them. They must sell that one at Urban Outfitters or something. Way to ruin a great Christopher Walken bit by making it trendy!), "Squirrels Gone Wild", "Will Work For Band" (was hand written for extra impact), "I Heart Nerds", "I Pot Oregon", "Vote For Pedro" (I liked Napoleon Dynamite too!), "I Can't, I'm Mormon" (just coincidence I saw this one right after the Napoleon Dynamite shirt), "Watch For Hitchhiking Ghosts", "Don't Waste My Time", "I Lick Stuff", "Crunk!", "University Of Squid Row Drinking Team", "Bad Design Kills", "I'm Afreud To Love", "Where Is Elizabeth?", "I'm Somebody", "In Between Boyfriends", "Stoner", "Australia Is A Bloody Long Way Away", "I'm With Steve", "What Boyfriend?" and "Achiever".
APRIL 26, 2005
Have a listen to my sort-of-new-but-never-online-till-now karaoke song called "Continue". Music is by Mogwai.
New Vice Magazine out this week. As is the first official Nick Cave karaoke song from Sunfly on their Most Wanted CD #862. It's "Where The Wild Roses Grow", which is a great song but I bet they picked it because it was a duet with Kylie Minogue. Too bad every other track on the CD-G isn't worth buying it as an import. Besides, for the hardcore goth karaoke junkies, Ground Control still has the best selection.
Super excited about Bauhaus at The Glass House in Pomona this Thursday. It's already completely fucking sold out online, but if you really want to go, show up early at The Glass House on Thursday.
APRIL 22, 2005
If anyone out there likes TV Carnage, there's a brand new one coming out called a Sore For Sighted Eyes in 4 days!
So Coachella is next weekend, but no Cocteau Twins. I guess the goths still have Bauhaus, NIN, The Dresden Dolls and maybe New Order will do a Joy Division song... I love Weezer and The Kills too. Coldplay are all right, but their music makes me think of Apples. Not that that's a bad thing. Oh well, all the sand, crowds, cops and just plain hassle of a big festival is gonna be worth it to see Bauhaus again!
Going to check out The Mark Ryden show in Pasadena this weekend, and will try to make it out to San Diego next week to see David J's gallery art show. Also think I'm gonna go to Vegas for Thanksgiving this year to see Paul McCartney. That's something to be thankful for. Hope he gets his songs back soon.
APRIL 18, 2005
There are only a few things in the world more disturbing than a Todd Solondz movie. His new one Palindromes continues his fixation with kid-fucking and nihilism but isn't quite as funny as Happiness. Still, great performances and a few horribly brilliant lines of dialogue make it another sick classic. With these kind of movies and stuff like Wonder Showzen on M2, children doing inappropriate things is the new artistic trend of the week. What the hell could be next?
I've decided to become the Ultimate Star Wars Geek not by standing in line at the wrong theater, but by being one of the first human beings outside of The Inner Circle of George Lucas to see all 6 episodes of the movies in chronological order. This will entail screening all those films, plus numerous supplementals, over the course of a 24 hour period. Right now this is going to be the day that Episode 3 is released. I may do it over the weekend on Staurday the 21st if work gets in the way. If anyone is retarded enough to join me, I'll be screening all of the films below (besides the new one) on a giant 65 inch high definition television with surround sound. Here's the final schedule:
STAR WARS MARATHON: THURSDAY, MAY 19th, 2005
APRIL 11, 2005
Just thought I should announce that Jesse Blair and I are engaged! I popped the question on a mountain in Catalina Island last Saturday! The wedding won't be until next summer, but you can get us this for an engagement present!
Other things on our wedding registry: this, this, and this. We want only the finest things for our life together!
Are Siegfried and Roy part of an international conspiracy that threatens the world? An ex-football player who shot at their house thinks so. Perhaps he realizes that they, like George W. and Spider-Man, worship Satan!
My friend Ariel gave copies of Alien Man #1 to Dan Clowes, Jhonen Vasquez, Johnny Ryan and Last Gasp publisher Ron Turner at the Alternative Press Expo this past weekend. Hope they liked it! Speaking of comic book stuff, click here to see what Ghost Rider's motorcycle is gonna look like in the Nic Cage movie!
APRIL 1, 2005
For everyone out there who has been bummed out lately, you ain't alone. The world can be a gigantic ball of crap. Today this blog goes out to poor old Rozz Williams, who hung himself 4 years ago today.
Erich made me watch a few episodes of The 'Bu over at Channel 101.com and I think the site is amazing. It's like a whole world of weird I discovered on the web. For those who don't know, a bunch of people make webisodes and they vote which ones are cancelled each month... If the show is axed, they disappear. It makes for some fierce competition, and some entertaining little shorts. You HAVE to be good to make a new episode. In fact, the above link to The 'Bu may be obsolete soon if that show ever gets the boot. Internet Social Darwinism at its most brutal.
Speaking of brutal, the lovable drug addicts over at Vice Magazine have put up another online edition of their hilarious magazine; the funniest underground comic book artist making poop jokes today, Johnny Ryan, has a bunch of strips in the Shouldn't You Be Working section of his site that will make you laugh; and how many folks knew Terri Schiavo had a web blog? Also, if you ever need to pass a breathalyzer test, don't do what this guy did.
Still, the most horrible site on the web is still Stile. I love Stile Project for a lot of things. They've shown me the single most disgusting thing in my life, exposed me to some great literature about poo eating, and made me ashamed to be a human being. Still, I can't help but think that every time I go to that site my computer is being infected with something worse than ebola-laden syphillis. Even with a Mac I worry about viruses. Still, Stile had 2 of the funniest pictures ever on his site this week, so I grabbed them and posted them on my site so you can see them without worrying about the pop-ups and spyware. I've linked to StileProject.com a number of times in this paragraph so I hope he's not too mad at me. The first picture is a cat drop kicking a dog, and the second is the gayest tattoo in homosexual history. The first is safe for work and the second is just a tattoo on a guy's upper back, but it's very very gay and may not be suitable for grandma.
Another site out there like Stile Project, Mucho Sucko, updates every midnight and also has some truly evil stuff.
MARCH 27, 2005
You know what, I'm gonna be at Nova Express Cafe for dinner on Tuesday around 7pm before the Cthulhu Easter Party. If you want to say hello, drop on in!
MARCH 22, 2005
30 Second Bunny Theater shows you classic movies in 30 seconds... with bunnies!
My favorite mash up of the week has Beck, The Beastie Boys and The Butthole Surfers Doin' It In Tejas.
MARCH 16, 2005
HOORAY! My comic book is finally done... Read it online at WWW.ALIENMAN.COM!
MARCH 11, 2005
The Warlocks are playing Spaceland on Sunday at 11pm. You can get advanced tickets here.
3 pages from completing my comic... can I make it in time for Wizard World Los Angeles on the 18th?!?
MARCH 8, 2005
I called Steve Ditko yesterday and asked him if he would do a commissioned pen and ink drawing of Eternity for me for $2000... He said "No."
MARCH 5, 2005
Art of Bleeding tonight. We go on early (around 9:30pm). 5519 Hollywood Blvd., (near Western). NINA HAGEN will be there. PARAMEDICAL ATTIRE SUGGESTED! $7 donatation, $5 with emergency room dress or visible wounds.
The 20th Los Angeles Marathon and the 6th L.A. Cacophony Marathon Rest Stop Need You! Sweat soaked hordes of multinational runners, many whom take the whole thing way too serious, need our helping hands again this year! These dedicated marathoners have come to expect our invigorating hand outs: Donuts, Pork Rinds, Beer, Bacon, Cigarettes, Twinkies, Marihuana, and of course, the Lap Dances! Join us in making this our biggest rest stop event ever! Bring plenty of high carb, lard laden, Olestra soaked, sugar baked, deep fried delights for the weary runners that come our way. They will thank you in so many special ways! The usual cast of Clowns will be holding up signs of encouragement and waving Krispy Kremes from 10 foot poles over runner's heads and trying to put "kick me" signs on their backs - so come join the fun!
The XX Los Angeles Marathon
Cacophony Rest Stop
Sunday March 6th 2005, 9:00am
The General vicinity of Fairfax and 6th Street
Usually the shady east side of the street adjacent to LACMA, across from the Stinky 99c Only store. You can't miss us.
